Knowing when...

Oh how time flies when your living life.
Last you've heard from me I was taking some big steps toward some big moves. so let me start with my jobs.

         So apparently I do have the caring gene. I was so worried about if I cared enough about other people to do an effective job at being a CNA. I know this is true because the first time I experienced a resident die in front of me I cried, not just because I was there, but because from the moment the resident came to my unit I took care of him. I was so attached to him, I think I will forever remember him or try to. Thats when I realized I can provide great care for someone who arrived as a stranger and left and a really good friend.. Now mind you I've only been at my new job since Mid-January. While I'm sure I will encounter more deaths as I go on working through the medical field, I do have one fear.
            My biggest fear is becoming numb to death I feel like I would be less of person if I did. I have been told time and time again 'Its part of life", 'Accept it, cause its going to happen", and my personal favorite of some of the other seasoned CNA's and Nurses at the nursing home "They are old and are going to die". I can't say I will be better at it, but maybe I will feel better about it as I come to learn the ends and outs of my new job. One thing someone has said to me that has kind of  stuck "They have lived their life, and now they are at peace." I think I can take that and run with it.
             My Other Job, is one I don't talk about as much, its more a one on one with a wonderful person that sometimes stress me out a little more then it should. I can say, I enjoy the time I spend learning about the past lives of her, and the people I get to see almost everyday. So i guess a bit of a break is what she gives me. My mother and I were talking and we have figured out that I work 220 hours a month I'm awake 480 hours a month, give or take when I don't get up on time. but with all of that I can say that I have achieved greatness at paying off my debt.
With my student loans and a former Chicago Apartment the only things hanging over my head I feel great, tired but freaking great. I'm back on track with my retirement and my home ownership goal. I feel good about where I'll be for my future. its all about ME ME ME ME right now.

I'm I doing this right?
Have I planned to much?
Will I be able to keep my cool?

Knowing when to much is to much, knowing when you are doing it right and knowing when your doing it wrong...Life as I know it is changing, for the better or for the worse, for me and those around me.