I have moved and settled into my parents home. I have created my own art space to work on my Art. in August I'll be starting school. I feel happier, I feel healthier and overall I sleep at night. I honestly think if I do this right I can be on my own living right by this time next year. But I'm giving myself 2 years, one year to fix the damage and Another to gather my "padding". I've listened to everyone but myself and now I'm going to see what advice I have that I need to fallow.
Now its time to stop talking and start walking. After much resistance I've decided to finally give in to what they wanted in getting a better paying job. Like I told dad, I love my job despite what others think and feel. I actually like "retail" but fine if I'm going to fund "My Dream" I need money to do it. So I have made two very big decisions and lets just go with it right? I feel good about my plans and I just hope I can figure out where to start the 3rd year?????
I loved living in Chicago, but I really want to go somewhere else. I was thinking in the south somewhere. I have always wanted to live in Louisiana but I really want a house where ever I move. as nice as living in an apartment is. I want to have my own house by 25. or at least doing my fixer-upper. Trust me Canada has come up more then once. I'm 21 and I will be where I want to be by 25 I can be sure of that.
But I'm better for right now and I'm hoping I can keep focused and if so I will be on the fast track to GREATNESS or what I consider greatness.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Did we Break-Up?
Is it really over?
WAIT! Don't leave yet.
Hug me one more time PLEASE!
talk to me just a little longer, Have one more drink for old time sake.
How can we break up if we never dated. Why do I feel as if apart of me is gone?
I got so attached to you, without you even noticing how attached I actually got. When my friend stopped talking to me, I replaced him with you. I wish I hadn't put you up so high in the ranks of such a close friend.
I'm angry that I let you go without saying anything, and now I fear I made you "The one that got away".
I never thought I was one to "eat my feelings" but I gobbled down 3 pints of ice cream last week. (I've been telling people its only been 2 pints) I'm having the hardest time listening to music, and watching movies because I feel like its about you or us. An us that never actually exist.
I know why I'm so in to you. I know how bad we would be together. I know what your looking for. and I know what you want out of life. So why do I feel like you broke up with me? Then I ask myself how long will it be before your just a memory. or when I forget your face and can barely remember your name. The time I go through my pictures and I wonder 'Whatever happened to...'
Now the funny thing about all of this is, You know nothing about me, We have nothing in common, and you could careless about my thoughts most of the time we had anything to talk about. I have little tears because of these major factors and yet doesn't stop the feeling that we are no more. But we never was anything to begin with.. I'm confused, I've confused my mind and soul all over one person.
Confession Time:
Do you remember when you said I was "Awkward"
I'm only awkward around you. You kind of make me nervous. I feel like I can't be calm in front of you. I hate that I have a hard time verbalizing in front of you.
That day we had burgers and watched a movie, I was so nervous, snd kind of uncomforable too, I loved the conversation we had on your way to my house. but I felt bad you hated the movie...
I felt like that would be the last time the two of us would ever hangout together alone (I was right)
We only have one picture that exist of us two and it might be the last one we will ever have. I just wish you would have smiled in it.
-Terri
WAIT! Don't leave yet.
Hug me one more time PLEASE!
talk to me just a little longer, Have one more drink for old time sake.
How can we break up if we never dated. Why do I feel as if apart of me is gone?
I got so attached to you, without you even noticing how attached I actually got. When my friend stopped talking to me, I replaced him with you. I wish I hadn't put you up so high in the ranks of such a close friend.
I'm angry that I let you go without saying anything, and now I fear I made you "The one that got away".
I never thought I was one to "eat my feelings" but I gobbled down 3 pints of ice cream last week. (I've been telling people its only been 2 pints) I'm having the hardest time listening to music, and watching movies because I feel like its about you or us. An us that never actually exist.
I know why I'm so in to you. I know how bad we would be together. I know what your looking for. and I know what you want out of life. So why do I feel like you broke up with me? Then I ask myself how long will it be before your just a memory. or when I forget your face and can barely remember your name. The time I go through my pictures and I wonder 'Whatever happened to...'
Now the funny thing about all of this is, You know nothing about me, We have nothing in common, and you could careless about my thoughts most of the time we had anything to talk about. I have little tears because of these major factors and yet doesn't stop the feeling that we are no more. But we never was anything to begin with.. I'm confused, I've confused my mind and soul all over one person.
Confession Time:
Do you remember when you said I was "Awkward"
I'm only awkward around you. You kind of make me nervous. I feel like I can't be calm in front of you. I hate that I have a hard time verbalizing in front of you.
That day we had burgers and watched a movie, I was so nervous, snd kind of uncomforable too, I loved the conversation we had on your way to my house. but I felt bad you hated the movie...
I felt like that would be the last time the two of us would ever hangout together alone (I was right)
We only have one picture that exist of us two and it might be the last one we will ever have. I just wish you would have smiled in it.
-Terri
Thursday, March 1, 2012
What makes you happy
What makes you happy?
Who makes you happy?
What puts a smile on your face?
What makes me happy?
Those rare, but powerful moments you have with your family that come up in family gatherings like?
Your older brother and cousin trying to figure out who shot grandma with the bebe gun 20 something years later (Nither will admit to it).
Or, you and your cousin talking about who didn't play Barbies right (Who knew it was a right or wrong way to play with Barbie).
Better yet, listening to the stories of when your parents did stupid things like, waking your sleeping grandmother with "Mamma the house is on fire!"
But what makes me happy the most is the feeling a single picture can ignite inside you, were you either smile or laugh because you know the exact moment the picture was snapped. Pictures are really worth a thousand words or more.
Who makes me happy?
The endless, gut busting, tear provking laughter with someone. When just by making eye contact with someone you can not help but burst out laughing. So people who make me laugh. I love to laugh, I love getting text from my friends that I can just think about and laugh.
So again What makes you Happy?
Who makes you happy?
What puts a smile on your face?
What makes me happy?
Those rare, but powerful moments you have with your family that come up in family gatherings like?
Your older brother and cousin trying to figure out who shot grandma with the bebe gun 20 something years later (Nither will admit to it).
Or, you and your cousin talking about who didn't play Barbies right (Who knew it was a right or wrong way to play with Barbie).
Better yet, listening to the stories of when your parents did stupid things like, waking your sleeping grandmother with "Mamma the house is on fire!"
But what makes me happy the most is the feeling a single picture can ignite inside you, were you either smile or laugh because you know the exact moment the picture was snapped. Pictures are really worth a thousand words or more.
Who makes me happy?
The endless, gut busting, tear provking laughter with someone. When just by making eye contact with someone you can not help but burst out laughing. So people who make me laugh. I love to laugh, I love getting text from my friends that I can just think about and laugh.
So again What makes you Happy?
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Where Did Our Time Go
You star in three stories in your life. 1. Time, the time the clock has left. 2. Your Mind, the thoughts you have inside. 3. Reality...
0...
Time is running out.
Why didn't I say something.
Packing your bags.
1,2,3...
Saying your goodbyes.
Wishing I could go with you.
Bags are packed.
4,5,6,...
Looking for the words.
Who is going to deal with me now?
Bag are at the door.
7,8,9...
Wait!
I love you, I'll miss you, Don't forget me.
Your gone before the words could come out.
10
I'll just say bye to the footsteps.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Life Changes
Life is a funny thing. We are given life by another, we are taught things by others, then one day told to form our own opinions of things and then live life on these thoughts. We are told that it is "Ok" if we make mistakes. Some mistakes become lessons learned and others become Life Changes. We are only given to ways to live, with no grey areas allowed. Its either live life like its no tomorrow, or live like you have time for years and a future to plan for. I have a wide range of friends in very different parts in their lives (these are where we find the grey areas that aren't suppose to exist BUT DO!!!
I have friends who are married, and planning for families, some finishing up college and starting to focus on their careers, some who are still unsure where they are going and always my favorite the ones with the life plans no room for fuck ups.Then you have the ones like me, who just go by goals. as long as these goals are met "Hey, I''m good". The flaw in this one is, some goals seem a little more out of reach then others. I find it interesting when people are my age and married, or who know what to expect in the next few years. It almost scares me, not what they are doing but, the fact that I feel like I'm not to a point I can be proud of. I guess more of a point I can brag about.
Lets face it, I am product of a society where you have to be doing better then the next person. This is why some love to go to class reunions and brag about how good time has been to them. How much they have done, and how much they still have planned. On the flip side of this is the hope that although your not some millionaire or a famous performer maybe, just maybe they will see that you are very happy in your life. We get these moment as a little bit of gratification that maybe I did come off on top. Sometimes these moments are created by our own family. We want to show them that any time or money spent on us was not done in vain. That we have given them something to brag about with their friends.
But, this is about me, right? Now, I do have goals, long and short term. Now these are not to be mistaken as priorities either. Like going and finishing school is a priority. Education will never be a privilege but, a right. Now the time frame for when that will happen is when things do get fuzzy. My goals don't necessarily require an education for them to become a reality (Its my "dreams" that require it more). So what do I have to show for what I have done. I am hoping between my own drive that it will be seen really soon.
I have friends who are married, and planning for families, some finishing up college and starting to focus on their careers, some who are still unsure where they are going and always my favorite the ones with the life plans no room for fuck ups.Then you have the ones like me, who just go by goals. as long as these goals are met "Hey, I''m good". The flaw in this one is, some goals seem a little more out of reach then others. I find it interesting when people are my age and married, or who know what to expect in the next few years. It almost scares me, not what they are doing but, the fact that I feel like I'm not to a point I can be proud of. I guess more of a point I can brag about.
Lets face it, I am product of a society where you have to be doing better then the next person. This is why some love to go to class reunions and brag about how good time has been to them. How much they have done, and how much they still have planned. On the flip side of this is the hope that although your not some millionaire or a famous performer maybe, just maybe they will see that you are very happy in your life. We get these moment as a little bit of gratification that maybe I did come off on top. Sometimes these moments are created by our own family. We want to show them that any time or money spent on us was not done in vain. That we have given them something to brag about with their friends.
But, this is about me, right? Now, I do have goals, long and short term. Now these are not to be mistaken as priorities either. Like going and finishing school is a priority. Education will never be a privilege but, a right. Now the time frame for when that will happen is when things do get fuzzy. My goals don't necessarily require an education for them to become a reality (Its my "dreams" that require it more). So what do I have to show for what I have done. I am hoping between my own drive that it will be seen really soon.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Talking about it: Me & being Albino Part 2
Besides having a great sopport system like my family, I have confiddence in myaelf and the people I surround myself with.
2.True Blue Friends
In all my years of living in this world I can honestly say that I have always had friends. When we are very young we don't know difference such as Color, Race, Religon, etc. We learn these things, But I have been lucky to have friends who just missed this lesson in school. I have had long time friends who don't ever ask a question and just go with it. I have other friends who want to know everything! Now, do my friends make jokes? yes but, surprisingly most of the jokes have to do with my own words being used against me. My mom told me when I was in 6th grade "If you make it through life with just one best friend, you did good" I share myself with alot of people because my own mouth craves to talk. I'm always nervous to meet new people yes, but give time and I'll have you looking for a place to hide from me.
I had a young woman come up to me a while ago and tell me "I thought I should say hi, because my cousin is Albino and I feel sorry for them sometimes"
(Ok, most of my friends know this I really like my own space, seriously! So I go to places like starbucks and people watch, or window shop ALONE. just for a little me time. this woman got me at MY starbucks (the one downtown where I get free extra shots) drawing my little heart away.
Did I look lonely? Did anything about my actions say "Feel sorry for me because my skin is freakin pale" Did the millions of color pencils and big sketch pad not say 'Hey, she's busy working away at her work WITH HER HEADPHONES IN HER EARS"
Let me address something really quick,
Going up to someone and saying that you feel sorry for them bcause they look different only in skin tone, is just...Just don't do it. I'm in good health living life snd loving it (About 80% of the time) no reason for you to feel sorry for me, unless you know something I don't.
People stare at me CONSISTENLY, and when I'm with other people they notice it right away. This goes back to part 1 "If they want to know they'll ask, If not then thats on them" I honestly never notice it and for those of you who think people don't come up to me and ask me questions, spend a week with me, or better yet come to my job. Working in retail you come in contact with lots of people. Lets just say some people are not as shy as you would like them to be.
I am not how I am because of how I look but, because of how I would like others to look at me.
Loud, Caring, Clumsy, Playful, Sarcastic, Truthful, Homebody, Artist, ....
-Terri
2.True Blue Friends
In all my years of living in this world I can honestly say that I have always had friends. When we are very young we don't know difference such as Color, Race, Religon, etc. We learn these things, But I have been lucky to have friends who just missed this lesson in school. I have had long time friends who don't ever ask a question and just go with it. I have other friends who want to know everything! Now, do my friends make jokes? yes but, surprisingly most of the jokes have to do with my own words being used against me. My mom told me when I was in 6th grade "If you make it through life with just one best friend, you did good" I share myself with alot of people because my own mouth craves to talk. I'm always nervous to meet new people yes, but give time and I'll have you looking for a place to hide from me.
I had a young woman come up to me a while ago and tell me "I thought I should say hi, because my cousin is Albino and I feel sorry for them sometimes"
(Ok, most of my friends know this I really like my own space, seriously! So I go to places like starbucks and people watch, or window shop ALONE. just for a little me time. this woman got me at MY starbucks (the one downtown where I get free extra shots) drawing my little heart away.
Did I look lonely? Did anything about my actions say "Feel sorry for me because my skin is freakin pale" Did the millions of color pencils and big sketch pad not say 'Hey, she's busy working away at her work WITH HER HEADPHONES IN HER EARS"
Let me address something really quick,
Going up to someone and saying that you feel sorry for them bcause they look different only in skin tone, is just...Just don't do it. I'm in good health living life snd loving it (About 80% of the time) no reason for you to feel sorry for me, unless you know something I don't.
People stare at me CONSISTENLY, and when I'm with other people they notice it right away. This goes back to part 1 "If they want to know they'll ask, If not then thats on them" I honestly never notice it and for those of you who think people don't come up to me and ask me questions, spend a week with me, or better yet come to my job. Working in retail you come in contact with lots of people. Lets just say some people are not as shy as you would like them to be.
I am not how I am because of how I look but, because of how I would like others to look at me.
Loud, Caring, Clumsy, Playful, Sarcastic, Truthful, Homebody, Artist, ....
-Terri
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